


All That Never Was

by AfflictedwithAlliteration



Series: Dark Chocolate [13]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: A little bit non-linear, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Implied Bratty/Catty, Long One-Shot, Non-Gendered, POV Second Person, Pining, Reader Ages, Reader is not Frisk or Chara, Reader is one of the Souls, Reader remembers resets, Reader-Insert, Sans knows of Resets but doesn't remember them, Unrequited Love, With the tiniest fluff if you squint, childhood crushes, mildly vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfflictedwithAlliteration/pseuds/AfflictedwithAlliteration
Summary: What would you do for those you love?
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Series: Dark Chocolate [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/848361
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	All That Never Was

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning** : Because it makes people uncomfortable, NOTHING HAPPENS, but the reader is underage when they develop their crush. Just an fyi!

**Year One (14)**

“Don’t ya know how to greet a new pal?”

The first time you meet Sans, you don’t know what to make of him, you aren’t sure if he’s messing with you. He's more terrifying than the goat monsters had been—because isn't he some sort of grim reaper?—but you he isn't attacking you like she did. The buzzer in his hand is the opposite of helpful and you reel back from it until he hides you from his monster hunting brother.

* * *

Papyrus is...there are no words. He is the big brother you never had or wanted but in a way that you feel guilty for having ever been scared of any monster. So even if it's your first date—in your entire life because James had never asked you to the the Middle School formal—ever and it's with a monster.

"You're the coolest."

You mean it when you say it.

* * *

Undyne is...if Papy did drugs maybe they could be twins and you never actually thought of purposefully hurting a monster—Toriel didn't count, you hadn't known monsters then, hadn't understood. You knew better now—until her. They all told you, the way to leave was the castle but she was always, always trying to kill you!

Not that being friends was much better, it made you wonder if it was possible to die from exhaustion. 

Or you know, cooking fires.

* * *

Alphys and Mettaton are a comedy duo. They are...utterly ridiculous and something about them always makes you smile because stress relief is necessary when after the first time you met them, you'd accidentally blown yourself and found yourself back in the ruins in tears.

* * *

You never do make it to Asgore.

At least, not the first several times.

And when you did finally make it, you never tried again.

* * *

“What are ya talking about, kid? You gotta go.”

“Nope.” You say succulently, slurping the water with gusto, “I realized that I don’t. Ruminate with me for a sec, bone daddy.”

He gives you a blank look but you grin back cheekily. Taking your time before answering by ordering a round of fries and drowning them in ketchup, gesturing for the skeleton to have some. 

“So, you guys keep saying that I gotta go to the castle but see, I’ve been to the castle. Mom warned me about the castle actually but I didn’t listen because reasons. And yeah. But I thought I can stop it all from happening if I just, ya know, don’t go. Make sense?”

“No.”

“Thats cause you don’t remember but I promise it does, I wouldn’t lie to you, Sans, we’re friends! Even Pappy gave up trying to turn me in!”

“Ya can’t stay down here forever, pal.”

The smile that blooms across your face is pure sass and all teeth, “Watch me!”

* * *

"Mom, you don't have to stay in the ruins!"

"It's not that simple, child."

"...but don't you want to see me? Even through the door?" 

You'd never been successful in making her come out but you'd at least managed to convince her to talk to you through the door, which Sans may have helped with. As you leaned against the door, you knew she wouldn't open it. An entire year—far more than that if you counted resets, but who did—and she hadn't budged but at least you could hear her. 

Real mother or not she was the most comforting person, and the best reminder of home.

 **Year Two (15)**

The door rips open and you regret ever finding the room. Regret asking Papy about keys to get in because the tears blurring your vision are already falling. 

“Sans… _what happened?_ ” He doesn’t look at you, and you find it hard to look at him. The journal limp in your hands, the words your read knocking around like something has broken loose. The skeleton had never lied to you but he’d never told you that—“you really killed them? With Asgore? I don’t—“

The betrayal is strong. Hurt even though you’ve done the same, even by accident. You never purposefully—and you’d fixed it—why—“I trusted you to help me!”

It sounds childish even to you own ears, his attempted response more painful with the stupid nickname. “Kid—“

“Don’t!”

“I—“

“Don’t apologize because you’re not sorry.” You rub your eyes roughly, “I wanted to help you guys—I thought—I thought you liked me!” Whatever he’s going to say is cut off by you flinging the journal in his face. “It’s not fair, I didn't want to know this, I never wanted to! It’s not fair!”

* * *

Sans stares at the kitchen then back to you, Papy, and Undyne. His eye sockets are completely black and you are the first to crack.

"It's not my fault! It was the tomatoes!"

That makes his expression falter but the other two back you up, the taller skeleton springing into action and resuming cleaning his face of the splatters of tomato mush. 

"IT'S TRUE! THEY WERE TINY AND VERY TRICKY, THEY FOOLED US!

"See, we thought the smaller ones would make less of a mess but—"

"ARRRG! Stop wiggling around it! We bought too many so it was the same and I said screw it, we're doing it!"

The short skeleton says nothing as he sighs a bit but then steps closer, you freeze, waiting for the scolding but in the end he only reaches for your cheek and swipes some of the...sauce? Could it be called sauce when it was basically a decorative style now? Then tastes it.

"Not bad."

* * *

“You did it first!” Are the only words you can get out, churlish and angry still while the skeleton just stares at you, eye bone raised. 

“That anyway to greet a new pal?”

At first you think he’s messing with you but he makes no mention of the anything else, just commenting in his usual bland tone that you know things you shouldn’t. 

“You don’t remember do you? Thats why you write it.”

“…what’re ya talking about, kid?”

You can’t help when you curl up around the skeleton and cry, him awkwardly patting your back in confusion.

* * *

**Year Three (16)**

“Oh come on, Sans, don’t I look gorgeous?”

“For a human.” He relents as you twirl in the outfit Papyrus has made for you. Old scraps knotted together in a warped dress but you’re pleased with it. And it makes the tall skeleton happy when you wear clothes he makes for you.

“Eh, you’re no help. Anyways, don’t wait up!”

“Woah, wait a sec kid, where ya going?”

“You weren’t listening at all were you, bonehead?” You laugh, a sudden thought crossing through your head, wondering if it will amount to anything you grin cheekily, “A date, obviously.”

“Oh. Have fun.” He’s practically snoring before he finishes the short sentence and you can’t help the annoyed frown on your face nor the small pinch of disappointment at his lack of care. 

It only fades when Alphys shares some of her SUPER SECRET stash of flavored popcorn from the real lab that it eases.

* * *

You glare at the flower.

"Go away, Flowey."

"You're taking too fucking long."

"If you touch anyone I swear—"

The flower smirks, "I don't have to do anything."

You hate knowing how he knows everything. How easy it is for him to dangle the knowledge and you think of the younger, stupider version of yourself constantly falling for it. Tightly you press your lips together, waiting for his inevitable reveal.

"You'll do it, wanna know why?"

"Not really." You snap, unable to keep your mouth shut long enough and his smile widens, sharp enough to cut you.

"Because if you don't, they can never, ever leave."

There's nothing but a lump of loose dirt in front of you but you still kick at it angrily. His words sending your heart into a frenzy.

* * *

You're not sure when it started.

It's probably the lack of teenagers and Bratty and Catty were so into each other it was impossible to really hang out with them, so you bothered Sans. At the hotdog stand—where you'd fit four hotdogs in your mouth at once—or the stargazing station—where you'd switched out the kaleidoscope with MTT once. And sometime between one and the other, the stupid skeleton always managed to make you flush.

"What is copper nitrate?"

"Some science thing?."

"Overtime for policemen."

You laugh in surprise. It isn't that the joke is really that funny but any time you try to imagine the punchline it's always so different than what you'd expect. You lean against him, enjoying the ease in which you two relax on the couch. 

"Alright, hit me with another one!"

"PLEASE STOP INDULGING HIM, HUMAN, NO ONE NEEDS MORE OF THOSE STARS AWFUL JOKES."

"Alright, we'll stop. Don't wanna drive Paps star crazy."

"EXACTLY—WAIT. SANS!"

He sounds so betrayed as you and the shorter skeleton fall over each other laughing.

 **Year Four (17)**

“I was talking to Alphys, she said the only real way to stop the resets is to break the barrier, it should stop the magic it gives us to do it.”

“Huh.” Is the only response. Quiet, always so quiet, you don’t even know why you like him some days but it hurts to see how scared he is all the time. Even in the peaceful moments he waits for the other shoe to drop. How grudgingly he gives up the little pieces of himself to stop from getting hurt. A tiny—the child still ever vengeful—part of you hopes this will hurt him a bit but you regret it the moment you think it. You don't want to hurt him but you need to understand.

"But she said we can't break it yet. She wouldn't tell me why."

She didn't need to. Flowey already had.

He shrugs but still won't look at you, and that's how you know it's true.

* * *

"DO YOU HAVE A BIRTHDAY TOO, HUMAN?"

"Yeah, all people do, Paps, even you!"

"REALLY?!" His eyes sparkle and you can already see him plotting but you don't mind because when was the last time you'd had a party? How many resets ago? How many years? You clap you hands.

"I'll help you plan it!"

When Undyne gets involved she makes the best scapegoat for why MTT decided fireworks should blow up buildings.

* * *

“Am I wrong?”

“I don’t know, child.”

“But they said they couldn’t open it without seven souls and the souls only come one at a time. The barrier won’t let it do anything else.”

“We don’t know that.”

“Would you just wait till I died to find out?”

“Asgore would not.”

"Then what do I do?!" Your voice breaks as you press you head harder into the door like you can feel you through it. You want her arms around you to comfort you, to tell you everything you knew was lie. That this is fine. That they aren't quietly suffering while you try to steal some comfort by staying. By resetting. " _Please_...Mom, I don't know how to fix this."

You barely register yourself falling until the warmth of fur finally envelopes you, smothering the scream that slips out as she finally holds you close. Her words are no better than yours but somehow you understand better now.

"I don't know, child. I never knew."

* * *

"Another!" 

Undyne shrieks, smashing the glass to the ground in a frenzy while Grillby flares up and glares but he doesn't stop any of you as you basically destroy the bar. The ribbons and streamers are everywhere—and you're pretty sure you and Paps birthday hat is from the trash—and the cake is frozen spaghetti but you choke it down between laughter and dares. 

"WHO DARES EAT FRIES WHEN YOU HAVE MY SPAGHETTI IN FRONT OF YOU?"

"Oh my, who gave him the alcohol?"

You shrug, eyeing the bottle the tall skeleton slips behind his back subtly, and snort. If no one was going to tell Toriel who brought it, it wasn't going to be you and the scene is too picture perfect to tattle tale as you sit back and watch them. 

Sans asleep at the bar, Papy and Undyne screaming, Alphys taking pictures and...is Mettaton stripping? Toriel finally sitting with the others and—

It's enough to break your heart.

* * *

**Year Five (18)**

“Hey…hey Sans?”

“Yeah?”

“You know I love you right?” 

“Course I do, kid.”

You grin, even as it hurts. “I’m not a kid anymore, Sans.”

“Heh. Guess so.”

“Bonehead.” You laugh and slouch on the couch beside him, “It’s been a long time but we’ve never celebrated your birthday. Papy wants to this year.”

“Nah.”

You bump him lightly with your shoulder. “It hasn’t reset in awhile Sans.” The makes the lump beside you tenses but you continue blithely. “And I know it won’t anymore.”

“Ya can’t be sure of that.”

“Well, I’m not going to, so unless you plan on reliving the old days I think we’re fine.”

Its an old argument, you wait for him to list off others who might kill you. Mostly Asgore but he just sighs a little.

“Ya wanna celebrate that bad?”

“Yes!” You grin, knowing you’ve got him now, “I promise no more resets Sans. And I’ve got the perfect give to prove it, okay? Just let me and Papy do this for you?”

“I guess I can throw ya both a bone.”

“Weak.”

* * *

When you finish dinner you wander outside, staring around the Hotlands and wishing there were more restaurants in the Underground but the thought also fills you with that much more determination. 

“Whatcha doing out here, kid?”

“You ever gonna stop calling me kid?”

“Nah.”

You roll your eyes as he stands beside you companionably, “You enjoy the day?”

“Too much excitement for these old bones—“ You smack him in the back of the head when he chuckles. “—But I had fun.”

“Sans.”

He looks at you, maybe its the tone of your voice but he looks a little worried and it's only when his hand reaches up to wipe away tears that you notice you’re crying.

“Whats wrong?”

“I’m gonna give you your present now.”

“Saved the best for last, eh?” But he still looks a little worried, eye lights scanning over your features quickly like he’s searching for the injury to put a band-aide on like he had before. Ever the hurt child in his eyes. He does love you, you realize. It’s just not the same, and your love for him and everyone else means you need to be strong. You want them to be happy. You need them to be because theres no telling how soon Asgore could find you this time or when Flowey will be an ass or any other million things that had gone wrong so many times. Your promises never meant much when you can't control anyone else. 

“You bet!” You chirp, wiping away the rest of your tears then you wave your hands at him. “Close your eyes.”

It says a lot that he doesn’t peek. Or maybe he’s just too lazy. Both thoughts bring a real smile across your face as you summon your SOUL the way you’d been shown. Its different from you were younger but the color burns in your hands same as it ever was. The light reflects off Sans face and he tenses, eyes popping open as you pass your SOUL into his hands. 

“Wh—what’re ya doing, kid?”

There aren’t any words you can say that will explain everything. You'd wrote what you could in his journal, and maybe he’d read it, maybe he'd understand. 

“Happy birthday, Sans.”

“I don’t want this.” He snaps but you step back and can feel something in you crumbling, the dreaded feeling of repetition coming but you don’t sink into it. Fighting the feeling because this is your choice and it’s what you want. With you gone everything can continue, more SOULS, more chances at freedom. You steal yourself from any of the fear, ignoring the way it lingers in the back of you mind, cracking a joke to ease the tension. 

“You can’t regift a gift, Sans, thats rude.”

But you don’t even know if he can hear you anymore because theres silence in your ears and darkness filtering in your vision. You hope you’re smiling.

* * *

“Frisk—“

You're cautious even you want to and you could, the same way Flowey had taken them over once but you won't without their say so.

The child nods and you beam, feeling yourself blend with them, like a strange combination so the shadow of your frame is above theirs and reach for Sans hands. You'd missed lacing your finger with bones, unable to stop the silly grin as he looks over. The surprise and shock evident in his face and it's something you hadn't realized you'd craved, just seeing him looking at you. It's the most expressive you’ve seen him in awhile, every SOUL that fell continuing to eat up his true expressions but you hadn't even been able to offer any comfort.

It's all simple things you want to savor it but there's no time, even as his voice is finally directed at you again. Cracked and confused but the same ever.

“Kid—I—how?“

Already you feel yourself ripping apart to finally be free now that the barriers gone. The last tingle of its magic being the only thing that keeping you there. You think about telling him how much you love him, always loved him in the way he didn’t quite. How you'd watched for so long, cheering them on, helping comfort the SOULS, how no one was angry, how you understood, how you wanted to apologize, how you missed everyone, how much you wanted so much more time get, but you settle for a smile. It's a useless, unhelpful thing but it releases the worries you'd hoarded over the long years of waiting and—

“Goodbye, Sans.”

You squeeze his hand, pressing your phantom lips to his cheek then—

Nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be multi-chaptered but I cannot write those to save my life, and I was tired of looking at this in my drafts so you get a long one-shot instead :D
> 
> A note on Souls and the ages: I did not mention the readers Soul because if you twist the right way and squint hard enough, you could make the Soul any. Just depends how you spin it. As for ages, stripes mean kids in UT so Frisk is likely a child but I always thought the other ages might vary (judging by the items found), so anywhere between 5-13/14. For the purposes of this fic I went with 14.


End file.
